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Stopping at a bluff overlooking the river, to lose himself in the melody of her song, and the light of the sun bouncing of her rippling surface, he picked his nose.  Rolling the snot between his fingers, he fell deep in thought. He found his mind wander to thoughts of Jesus.  Did some people get high to connect with this world class Deity?  Why was he so popular?
Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a folded piece of paper. On the page were written a list of fresh phone numbers belonging to cute real estate agents he had seen on bill boards. He had already been with a handful since collecting them.  
Ripping up the page he let those numbers scatter into the river like ashes of his former self.  He promised himself that he would do two things.
That these two things would guide him on the path. Just as the river bed guides the river which she carries, so too the river carves the river bed which carries her. From there she finds a way to the ocean. He knew that wholeness is connecting with the whole and that ultimately the entire process from the galaxies, to the day to day events was something that he was a part of as much as anything else. So he thought about the two things that would guide him, and searched for the paper they were written on. Turns out they were written on the back of the page with the phone numbers.  He was ok with renting anyway.
A life from the past. My inspiration is a painting that belonged to my grandma:

You are the one who's heart is far
It took so long to find us where we are
To hide my love that we do not share
I avoid your eyes like I just don't care

We were friends in a life long passed
And a story it was that was done too fast.
A time when I knew I could just be me
Not trying to impress, just sipping our tea

Our work was hard, but our love was so sweet
We used the same plate and sat on the same seat.
Our tent had a rip from where a tree fell
Life in the highlands, just me and my gal.

Eventually we built a house on a farm
Got a white goose to add to the charm
Each night you laid your head on my chest
Lovers forever needing some rest

Work out of town called me away
I still remember leaving that day
The morning was dark but you stood at the door
as I got the cart ready and hooked up the horse

Waiving your hand and wishing me well,
That life would change for me and my gal.
I never came back is how this tale ends
But now it starts over,  maybe we can be friends?
And one day, we will figure out how much we could have loved each other during the half lifetime we spent together, but not until those years are long over and the other is out of reach.
From a distance we will have the perspective to understand what could have been and what it would have taken on our parts and not just the other.
Happy Valentine's Day to the man with one of the biggest hearts I know. I'm grateful for the friendship we shared in the past and for your perseverance during the hard times. Keep sharing your gift with those you  meet. I know what it's like to have conflicting feelings. To be at war with myself, to feel like something is broken, to want to just be able to function with the world around me without that strange disconnect, and I know that your struggles have been real for you also. I also know that from your struggles to love yourself fully you have wanted to impart comfort and clarity to others who are trying to figure it out. I'm so sorry for the pain involved in what I hoped would be a peaceful parting. I had such an inadequacy in my ability to handle and process the situation. Be blessed where ever you are -Nate.
After sleeping soundly for what seemed a few hours of dreaming, I lightly awoke to adjust my body's position. As I roled from my back to my right shoulder, a phantom figure sitting in the great arm chair in the right corner of my room caught my periphery and gave me a split second startle. I soon expected my eyes to adjust to the contents of this form being reduced to the arrangement of colours and shapes from articles of clothes and scarves draped over the corners of the chair, but that is not what happened. Instead the form sharpened into a saintly looking man in robes.  "What the hell are you doing in my room!", I screeched in a forced whisper. "You keep visiting me in the night", he answered.  
After staring at his unearthly face for a few seconds without words, I finally asked him. "Are you God?"  Amused he smiled lowering his eyes in the direction of his hands, fingers spreading as he pushed his palms onto his knees.   "I am one of my kind, that is all" he said in a voice so indistinguishable I could only say it sounded like the mind's narrative. "When you say I keep visiting you, do you mean in a lucid dream state? Neither awake or fully asleep?" 
"Something like that, but it goes a little deeper than that. I live in a plane, very close to yours, with very distinct boundaries, but certain leaks can bring about the kind of interactions you and I are having right now. With that simple explanation, I was asked to intercede on your behalf, I mean, the benefits go both ways of course. I have an offer for you." Reaching into his tunic he sorted two articles, one into each hand. "I want you to take one."  Crawling to the corner of my bed, I looked into his palms. In one hand a black pill, in the other a cloudy white one.
"What's this black one. Some kind of death pill?" Holding it closer to my face, he offered me a better look into what looked like a deep pond wrapped in a transparent gel, "Pretty good, but no. That's the white one" he answered, bouncing it in the other hand. "Take the black one and you live. Take the white one and you fall into your sleep and never awake." 
The white one sounds pretty tempting, I must admit. Why would I even take the black pill? I'm already alive, and after 40 years I'm still not sold."  Standing from the chair, his face grew slack loosening the opening around his black eyes. "You are neither dead or alive. That is why you keep wondering into our plane in the night watch. I'm offering you a chance to really live. To swallow the darkness of life once and for all, to embrace her hard lessons, to leap from your nucleus and into the grand!" The atmosphere vibrated as he spoke, and I paused to take in his outrageous offer.
"Yeah, but the white one gets me into heaven, right?" 
"Heaven!" He laughed. "Ha! If only it was that simple. You have no idea of what lies beyond. Your mind could never comprehend its complexity or It's singularity" 
"Life is not so black and white, Fool." He clutched his hands and stepped to the window. Try to get some sleep." His silver hair which caught the moonlight, turned into black ringlets and a beard pushed off his jaws, reminding me of the old paintings of Japanese samurai and an old Babylonian king all in one. My new found delirium took me to places I can't describe, and with the sound of a passing train he was gone. 
What is the force behind your art?
Some artists create because they have to. 
Either they are professionals with assignments or the have an inner urge that demands a response. Maybe it's a quest or a key question that drives them to discover hidden gems, then share them with the world.
It seems quite possible that some artists create because they DON'T have to.
Creating is an enjoyable pastime.  Making art is a response to your love for life.
you dance, drink wine, and let loose with friends.  Work is paying the bills so making art is a slash career or hobby to add to life's flavour.
What ever the reason,  keep making it. The more we create, the easier it flows.
When I got back from up north I did some art on Napkins. I highly recommend this exercise for the first type of artist I described.  Lofty aspirations and perfectionism can hurt the creative flow.  As a result you do less art and the art that you embark on takes forever to do, meanwhile your ideas live and die inside of you because they couldn't get out on time.
Napkin art reduce high expectations, and with minimal preparation, pen to paper happens effortlessly, so the pen keeps moving happily.  Now the flow goes from being a trickle to something with some force behind it.
Bigger projects are less intimidating when you have just banged out 20 small ones. 
From my basic observation, there appears to be three different types of liars. 
One type uses lying as a shield, to protect either themselves or someone else of the pain that may come with a certain discovery. Call these people type (B) liars. The common liar. I fall into this category. 

The type (A) liar uses the lie as a weapon, a means to inflict pain or to gain an advantage in a fight. 
In a conflict, winning is the priority. The means by which the battle is won is 'whatever it takes', so false accusation is permissible to the type (A) liar.  

Then there is a third category. The type (C) liars. Recreational or pathological liars. Lying will occur where no threat exists. Reality, it seems is just not interesting enough, so a new version gets fabricated. These Liars take lying to a whole new level in their comitment to edit and photoshop the reality they don't want to accept by taking on a role that is consistent with their preferred reality.  
They will purposely blur facts and misrepresent the truth to suit there fancy. Truth is preached and parroted, but dropped at the earliest convenience.
A Type C liar will also use Type A and type B lying if a conflict arises.  
To a liar there are two types of lies. 
- ones that aren't true
- ones they wish weren't true. 
"I need to heal", you say.  "I must find a safe, cozy place at this point in my life where I can dig out all these slivers in my head, sort through my personality deficiencies, and transform. This time for real."
You will not find it.  The God you pray to won't give you one.
Your cozy cave doesn't exist. 
You will build it around yourself.
Once it is constructed you will be safe for the therapy that you have longed for to begin.
Oh how you have desired to become a person of substance and form and to feel solid, but solid is not what you become at first. 
Instead you become soft like mush. Of course you are. 
You are turning inside out, but this is not what you expected so it would be easier to believe you are defective. 
Out of the mush strange forms emerge. 
They feel repulsive and so you revert back and the mushy self continues like a cup of chowder.
The process has begun though, and the new forms come back, 
Slowly to be embraced by you and the safe ones inside your home.
There is a problem however. 
Your place of protection is also a prison chamber. 
As it has protected you from the cruel world so has it protected it from you.
If you are to complete your transformation and be saved, two things must happen.
1)You must escape the incarceration that your cozy home has become.
2)While this escape is beyond your ability at this time, no assistance can be given.
Not even from mommy.
When the time is right you must break the egg.
The cacoon must barely lose the fight for your life.
What seemed like hours of honking cars, some even yelling, "jump already!", a long line of impatient commuters crawled past a man that many of them would identify as the faceless stranger that made them late that morning.
The railway tracks two hundred feet below the bridge deck blurred in and out of focus through the wet film forming over his eyes and the high wind speeds rattled his grey hoody as the bridge itself softly shook, it's gentle rhythm of movement hovering above the beat of cars driving over the separation in the bridge's pavement. 
The ultimate contemplation of a young man in his twenties, who had always been so cautious about inconveniencing others was doing something different this day. 
The view below was beginning to look familiar, as though time, in its unraveling, was revealing what always had been the final stretch, the inevitable conclusion to this life all along.  His focus switched from his vantage point to the tape he had been playing over in his mind, with everything that was said and all the feelings of rage and disappointment that came with it.  Again he looked at his destiny below. These weights around his frustrated soul would surely speed his fall towards it. 
"I see you are about to make a very strong decision" I said as I approached from his right.
He had seen me coming toward him for the last few minutes, but mostly he just kept his head cocked down like he was doing now.  
"Does anyone know your story?"   I asked now standing beside him facing the same direction like  I might be joining him.
"No.  Not really", he said glancing over.
For the first time I saw his eyes and in them was a universe of untold thoughts. 
Knowing that his life could be removed from them at any moment got me wondering what might be inside that universe, and in this moment it seemed to be the only universe that mattered.
"Before you make your final move, I think that someone should know your story, so we can understand what chain of events led to you coming here"

"I'm not sure what to say... " he said, pausing. He seemed like he wanted to talk and he began shifting his weight side to side. 
I, uh... I guess, I don't think you would really understand.
I mean it's kind of a long story, and I don't think anyone really wants to hear it anyway."

"In your mind, there is a whole cosmos." The man listened quietly.  "From where I'm standing the stars are shimmering like a cluster of living diamonds, but between them is such vast darkness and I sense that is the part you are seeing right now. Take me through that part." 

For a moment this idea seemed to intrigue him. 
"The bottom line is that I'm here, not because there is too much darkness between the stars in my own head, but because this planet has no place for someone like me."

"have you felt that way before today?

"Yeah. Quite a few times actually." His head nodded like he was counting all the times he had come to that conclusion.

"Can you remember the first thing that made you feel that way?

"No. Not really. After a while I just realized that no one gave a shit about me", he said sniffing.

"Anyone in particular?" I asked, watching his breath from behind the side of his hood meet with the violent cold air.

Folding his arms, he began to list a few. His father, his wife, certain friends. People he had worked with that had made him feel small.

"Are they the reason you are out here on this bridge?"

He thought for minute then answered, " no, but some of them, had they cared enough, might have kept me from coming here today.
To my relief. He began stepping away from the ledge. 

"So what is it that brought you here today?" I asked. 

"I got out bid at an auction for a piece of radio equipment that I needed.
Normally it wouldn't have been a big deal, but it was kind of the last straw. 
A few years ago I met a man who asked if I wanted to receive the Double portion anointing. Not fully knowing what that meant, I said yes. It was explained that in the last days this anointing would be very important for the call that I had on my life. That in the end times I would help a lot of people. I guess I didn't really understand what I was signing up for. A year ago I tried to back out and a series of improbable hardships including a disaster in my marriage has made it so I don't even want to keep witnessing to the guys at work. It's like all these things are against me." 
On top of that, through a series of signs, God revealed that I would need to kill my uncle because he and my father would be responsible for the slaughter of my mother.
My mother will be the one  to give me the final annointing to overthrow the Antichrist and his followers. In order to do this I need the help of a handful of followers and a van that I've been trying to modify, but can't seem to finish because my equipment keeps getting stolen, and the deductible on the windows of the van ate up my savings, and last week the van itself got stolen and torched. I got nothing left and no one wants to cooperate. I have tried to explain this to some extent to the guys at work and a few close friends. One of them said to 'let go, and let God.' I'm beginning to see that only through his power would any of this work, but I'm done. When I jump, it will be up to God. If he wants to use me, he can catch me.
I asked a pastor once if God would catch me if I fell. He said He would.
Now I'm about to find out. If he doesn't catch me then it will confirm another thought that I've been having, that he has been planning to use someone else because I tried backing out last year."

I was beginning to see that my own Christ complex might not help this guy. 
"What kind of van do you need?" I asked, thinking about the one that I was just about to get rid of now that the kids were grown up, and the transmission was making strange noises. 

"The uncle that I'm supposed to put to death, has a van that he uses to install people's Internet and cable hook ups. It would be ideal, but I also know that my family would frown upon me driving it around especially after killing him. They would think that I killed him for the van. 
-I just have to trust God."

"I have a van and a garage full of components you are welcome to" I offered. "We can even look at it today if you want"
"What kind of van is it?  Is it a work van or is it a minivan?" He asked skeptically.
"It's a minivan." I said reluctantly. 
"Hmm. I think I'll just stick to my original plan. If God does not catch me, then it is you that I will pass on my double annointing to, and you will have to carry on with the mission"

He stepped over to the edge and leaned into the wind. He could almost feel the hand of God carrying him, but after two and a half seconds of falling, his body hit the tracks. 
Many feet below, I could still see his grey hoody moving around in the wind.

After processing our conversation for a few minutes and the shock of witnessing this guy fall, I turned around to see that the cars behind me, one of which was a police car, had stopped. 
A kind looking police man got out of his cruiser and slowly made his way over. "Can we just chat for a bit, sir?" He asked. 
"What ever it is that is happening in your life right now, we can help you. Just give me a chance to listen. Can you do that sir?" 
As I realized that by me being the only one standing there, I looked like the jumper,  someone from a car in the passing lane beside him hollered. "Just jump, you're holding up traffic!"
If you think you want the truth I ask you,
is your pursuit of truth of such importance to you that you would be willing to part with your beliefs to get to it?
Or are you one of the common minds, fighting for your belief at all costs?
It's totally understandable to prefer your personal prejudice over a quest for truth that may lead to contradictions to what you think you already know.
Personal beliefs are very personal. 

It's a passion of mine to challenge my beliefs and escape from old paradigms, but my mind works like any other. When I come to believe something, I want to validate it, defend it, and crush opposing views. It can take me a little while to shift into that releasing mode and start entertaining other models for truth.
I find it's really hard to see truth in obscure models such as a different religious idea, by trying to piece it inside your own model. 
By setting your model aside and giving a school of thought a model of its own, you can see how it's companion ideas fit together within its own context.
One person says there is no good or evil, another says of course there is good and evil. They are two ideas in two different models. You can't judge ideas like these until you see them inside their context.

So you have a certain mega belief, held together by a powerful web of sub beliefs, but one by one, it slowly gets dismantled. Eventually you start to listen to those opposing views and arguments as to why the beliefs that you held on to so dearly before, are false. You can hear the logic. Slowly you become deprogrammed. 
Once you deprogram, the chances of you going back to what you believed before is unlikely. 
In the past my mind was changed about something or someone. 

Will I go back to what I believed before?   Probably not, since months or even years of investigation and scrutiny were invested to get me to change it in the first place. The web was shattered. "The dream is over" as John Lennon wrote.

It's time to awaken in time for a new dream.
Locking eyes with beautiful strangers,
locking horns with brothers.
Looking for prisons to escape from
Drama in one form or another
Isn't it true that as we achieve greatness, people get uncomfortable and leave?
I'm no authority on greatness, but of the people that I would consider great, I feel the opposite. Great people aren't the people who have loads of insight or the most talent or the profound ability to make others feel small. They are people who inspire others.
I like how one guy I've had the pleasure of working with was willing to do the dirty work, but gave me the vote of confidence to jump in a new machine and perform useful tasks. Great people have a can do attitude, and it's contagious. When they come around, it feels like the sun is coming out. When they are not around, their presence is missed. Cliff is one of those guys. He doesn't try for attention. He doesn't have to. The guy is a magnet. Cliff is a scruffy Tristan of a pipeliner (if you remember Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall). He's a team player who inspires people to give 100% and love every minute. People follow him, not because he has profound insight or the ability to do everything better than everyone else. No, people follow him because he's a cowboy. He will make a hard job look easy and break a few rules in the process, but he does the little jobs too, modelling the attitude that doing less prestigious jobs won't take away greatness. Sure greatness is a subjective thing and everyone has greatness in them, but I like Cliff's style.  I wish I knew about it sooner.  I don't think it's greatness that drives people away, but maybe the craving that one might have for greatness. That craving can make people with genuine greatness loathsome to be around because they go to work trying to generate more prestige than they've earned. They might boss people around or play the Know-it-all. That style doesn't sit right with me or the other guys in my camp.  If you want to be great, mix bold with wise and a smack of humility, and I'm sure you will be doing things in circles you wouldn't have dreamed of a year ago. Wiping bums or dressing wounds maybe. (Not the circles you had in mind?)  If you make a few enemies along the way, that could mean a few things, not necessarily a sign you are on the right track, or the wrong one. People who are confident are willing to tell people off when lines are crossed.
I wish I had a little more of that. 
Great people make a difference right? Pushing for change in something can conflict with preservation or other interests. 

  What I know now is that feeling scared is part and parcel with walking the line that Jesus talked about with his circle of dudes, and a little inner tremor has been no stranger to me in the last year where great things have happened. Where I've met some of the Great. They come along and breed volition. It's not a call for human idolatry, but a service for the little warriors in the rest of us that need vision and a little faith to bust out. God Speed you crazies.
I spend hours thinking about life, but I can think about death for a lifetime. The parting of the soul//
How sweet the final curtain call//
that awaits the one whose life was full.
 
My goal is to stop working to merely survive. What I will do is work hard to make it sweet. 
Diligently position myself where I can be blessed.  Stop settling for mundane, but still find treasures in the ordinary. The treasures are in less than extraordinary places and so I'm trying to be more ready to mine them. Having a camera on hand, or a bag of oil paints packed in the car works.
To really make it sweet we got to break routines and think outside our normal experience. 
Find a quiet place and Meditate on finding the ideal outcome to every situation. 
Create witty strategies, but don't get stuck on our plans.  Be quick on our feet. Sometimes our best opportunities come through small windows. 
Look for the life and say "Yes" to it.  Identify the things that you have been doing out of a sense of false obligation or compromise and start saying "No" to them. 
Be honest with your beliefs, your desires, your convictions, your abilities and your limitations, so that the life you experience and the people you let in your life can match. Try to understand what "will of the father" means and how different it is from your lazy, comfort seeking, self preserving side. I see the 'Will of the Father' as a very personal stream that your life can follow and it's desire is maximum vitality as it relates to your involvement on this planet. If you're listening, it will call.  The will might get you to start a conversation with a stranger, climb a mountain close by, try out a new restaurant, sell your house, or start a worthy protest. The will of the father requires drive, and motives that aren't sidestepping the needs or rights of others for your wants. Following the Will, also leads you into sacrifice. In your following and this sacrifice, superficial desires will beckon you as you move painfully past them to the heart of what you desire, and they can come true!  Seek first the will, the Kingdom, and all these things will get added as their importance falls in order.
The Sweet life comes to us like manna, (if you remember the story of how Israel was fed when they were wandering in the wilderness after the Exedos). You can't plan how manna falls from the heavens but you can plan how you will collect it.  Finally, you can't store the sweet life, those moments that only come once, for another time, nor can you come back for them later. They won't be there, and if you stop to regain what is gone you will miss the new manna that is falling. 
I don't know who or what God is. On this planet there so many variations on how God is related to. I wonder what the folks on other planets think of God.  Has Jesus been making his rounds to the forbidden fruit eaters' planets as one of their kind to die and start churches or did the fruit tree experiment get axed with those extra terrestrial civilizations because Satan was earth bound anyway?
What do you think God is? 
God is life
God is love
God is the universe
God is consciousness ( I am)
God is energy
God is verb
God is evolution
God is the whisperings of your heart

Did God create you for a purpose or was God created in your mind by everything you were taught?

To those that say, " you control your reality" or to those that promote the idea of free will, I ask, "in a universe with an infinite number of independant agents and factors, each participating in actions that have equal reaction or consequence, how is it you think you have control, when in your dreams, where you are the only participant, you have no idea or control of what thoughts or events will come next?" In this realm of private consciousness, your volition is as mighty as a quadrapolegic, and yet beyond your scope of self, you think you are the grand landscaper? No, my friend, you are one ball in a giant  Mcdonald's playpen.  Maybe the design is to fool you into thinking you are the master of your own trajectory because your unforced participation is required. 
My mom taught us kids that hate was very powerful. To be very careful in how you express hate and even how you say the word.
Is hate the opposite of love?
Or is hate a response to those things and those people who violate the virtues that we care deeply about?
At this moment in time, the way I process the idea of hate is this.
How can you really love something if you have no interest in fighting for it? 
To fight is to oppose, and your hate is an opposition to that which opposes the virtues you love. In essence it is our love that drives our hate.

My hate is very strong, because my love is strong. If I die with love in my heart, how can my hate not be there with it, for they are brothers. What must die in our hearts before our hearts die inside of us is fear.
Finding time to do art is a challenge when you've got work, responsibilities, people who need your attention, a house that needs cleaning or whatever else grabs your attention, so  I've been trying something out with how I make time for it.
It all started with a trip to vancouver island to see my folks to catch the last bit of summer. I really wanted to try some plein air painting as I was spending time near the ocean, so I grabbed some art supplies from a cute little art store in Coombs.  Since the weather crapped out I just started painting in my parents kitchen. The next day I got a call to work, so I had to hop on the ferry. I got to the ferry an hour and a half too early, so I set up my canvas and just worked on it right it in the terminal. I liked it, so I worked on it some more on the ferry, I liked that so I began keeping my gear in my truck, which I've been sleeping in lately, so instead of wasting time commuting, I find a public place and just paint. I even paint at work when I'm waiting around. It's productive for three reasons
1) I'm stealing time
2) new environments break unproductive patterns of a distracting home
3) being mobile means limited tool kit, and limitation can promote creativity by reducing variables and decisions that slow the processor. 

Plus the public interest and interaction helps to keep me engaged. Meeting strangers can be really enjoyable but it doesn't happen unless you have a bridge. Art is a bridge. I might even take this to the next level and just do a cross country painting trip. 
I was just reading about the work of Louie Shwartzberg, a cinematographer who believes in the relevance of beauty and seduction in its usefulness in survival. We protect what we fall in love with. nature invests in the things that draws them in, like the hummingbirds and bees that pollinate the flowers they are attracted to. I also love how he talks about the savage aspect of beauty. In my own art I try to have a dark element. something a little grotesque, dark or savage.

check out the link Provided. The thoughts are profound

techgnotic.deviantart.com/jour…
I believe in God. Here's why. 

 I understand the universe and life to be the product of three fundamentals.
Mass, energy, information.
That's nature. More than ever, in our Information Age we should understand how these three interact. 
'No God' basically asserts that information arose out of mass and energy.
Just do the math and look at reality. It doesn't seem to add up.
It seems to make more sense that information and energy came first, then mass. Of the three, mass appears to be the most fabricated. Energy organized into division upon division and well packaged boundaries. Remember information is neither energy or mass. 
An example of how information interacts with mass is a computer file. 
No matter how big the file is, the mass of your computer remains the same.
That file could be transferred to print on paper, a CD or your ipad. The information is identical, but the platforms change. The mass is just the medium that carries the information. 
Isn't it true that the role of life is to gather, decipher/ organize and transmit information so as to improve the quality of survival? This is true in the assembly of organisms, ecosystems, and functioning societies or relationships. Through this process mass can be replicated with appropriate updates to improve function and maintain harmony.
In order for information to be passed on you need a sender and receiver. Where is the original information coming from? Who or what is the original sender?
It seems very plausible to me that all the information was in existence from the start, and its flux has been in its ability to organize itself appropriately.
Operating manuals and assembly instructions are the genetic codes that dictate how the factory organizes and assembles the parts. This leads me to my second point.
In order for information to get passed on you need language. Language infers intelligence.
 Syntax, grammar, punctuation, semantics, and agreement. DNA has all these characteristics. DNA is the platform that carries the information. Here's the dilemma with RNA occurring naturally. You need proteins to create RNA, you need RNA to synthesize proteins. 

My second point for a belief ( not to be confused with a definition for) God is nucleus. The universe is set up on the principal of nucleus. Galaxies, solar systems, planets, atoms.
Your God is just the primary nucleus that you revolve around. Your Ego might be your God.
A persons worldview seems to improve when you willingly orbit around something a little more cosmic than your tiny situation or quest for self promotion.
This does not mean you have to cater to a belief system that tries to define what God is. There is God made, and then there is man made. 

My disclaimer to this point of view and some of my statements: I'm not a scientist, I'm not an expert anything. I do however have a few questions and a handful of observations and interpretations. I try to stay flexible in my conclusions.