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"I need to heal", you say. "I must find a safe, cozy place at this point in my life where I can dig out all these slivers in my head, sort through my personality deficiencies, and transform. This time for real."
You will not find it. The God you pray to won't give you one.
Your cozy cave doesn't exist.
You will build it around yourself.
Once it is constructed you will be safe for the therapy that you have longed for to begin.
Oh how you have desired to become a person of substance and form and to feel solid, but solid is not what you become at first.
Instead you become soft like mush. Of course you are.
You are turning inside out, but this is not what you expected so it would be easier to believe you are defective.
Out of the mush strange forms emerge.
They feel repulsive and so you revert back and the mushy self continues like a cup of chowder.
The process has begun though, and the new forms come back,
Slowly to be embraced by you and the safe ones inside your home.
There is a problem however.
Your place of protection is also a prison chamber.
As it has protected you from the cruel world so has it protected it from you.
If you are to complete your transformation and be saved, two things must happen.
1)You must escape the incarceration that your cozy home has become.
2)While this escape is beyond your ability at this time, no assistance can be given.
Not even from mommy.
When the time is right you must break the egg.
The cacoon must barely lose the fight for your life.
Devious Journal Entry
Stopping at a bluff overlooking the river, to lose himself in the melody of her song, and the light of the sun bouncing of her rippling surface, he picked his nose. Rolling the snot between his fingers, he fell deep in thought. He found his mind wander to thoughts of Jesus. Did some people get high to connect with this world class Deity? Why was he so popular?
Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a folded piece of paper. On the page were written a list of fresh phone numbers belonging to cute real estate agents he had seen on bill boards. He had already been with a handful since collecting them.
Ripping up the page he let those numbe
Devious Journal Entry
A life from the past. My inspiration is a painting that belonged to my grandma:
You are the one who's heart is far
It took so long to find us where we are
To hide my love that we do not share
I avoid your eyes like I just don't care
We were friends in a life long passed
And a story it was that was done too fast.
A time when I knew I could just be me
Not trying to impress, just sipping our tea
Our work was hard, but our love was so sweet
We used the same plate and sat on the same seat.
Our tent had a rip from where a tree fell
Life in the highlands, just me and my gal.
Eventually we built a house on a farm
Got a white goose to add to the
Loves tragedy
And one day, we will figure out how much we could have loved each other during the half lifetime we spent together, but not until those years are long over and the other is out of reach.
From a distance we will have the perspective to understand what could have been and what it would have taken on our parts and not just the other.
Devious Journal Entry
Happy Valentine's Day to the man with one of the biggest hearts I know. I'm grateful for the friendship we shared in the past and for your perseverance during the hard times. Keep sharing your gift with those you meet. I know what it's like to have conflicting feelings. To be at war with myself, to feel like something is broken, to want to just be able to function with the world around me without that strange disconnect, and I know that your struggles have been real for you also. I also know that from your struggles to love yourself fully you have wanted to impart comfort and clarity to others who are trying to figure it out. I'm so sorry fo
© 2015 - 2024 N8grafica
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